CoH/V archive.

Twixt’s Big Book of Doggerel


STOOPIDS gide2rv

If u have me inside a forum
Without much rulez and no decorum
You can baitch and moan and swill
And let ur visa pay the bill

If I have you inside a zone
Guided by the rulez alone
Then u are quik to dance and phase
And pay the price the piper pays

Someday soon mebbe tomorrow
U bite that bite too big to swallow
And then who sez wat u have done
To all those other silent ones?

So lie and lol and play for free
Face to face anonymously

Who dis Neeto wats his name?
Does he even play the game?
Does he have a dom or not?
Does he scratch ur palm a lot?
Does he cry and baitch and moan
When Twixt and heroes win the zone?
Romper bomper stomper boo
Neeto keeno icky poo.


Denial = Believing it’s not always you.

liars liars pants on fires
dont believe them if you do
they will just say pwns on u
if u kill them they will say
never happened anyway
if you give them little hope
they just gonna whine and mope
and talk their talk bout lol and phase
and coat their hands with mayonnaise
and ask their buddies pat their backs
with lies and giggles bout boy sects
that meet each week to jump and vent
bout wat they shouldve but they didn’t

the fax

If I were to tell you why
You think I want your toon to die
It wouldn’t be to save your life
Or make that death a sacrifice

If I were to tell you when
You think I want a game to win
You wouldn’t recognize those times
When all ur urs are all my imes

And if I were to kill you (as I often do)
You prolly think it isn’t happening to you
So this is the problem facing both of us:
I can tell you what to do, but not so that you must

You’ll still be there respawning
Long after you have died
You’ll wake up dull and yawning
Beneath the sheets and hide
from all those baddy bad guys
and thoughts inside your head
That twist and twixt and twizzle

Omg, ur ded.

If you cant remember
Or just cant confess
Bout wen u were defeated
Then the answers prolly yes

But that kill list is long
And alotta bother
Much easer just say no
to you and to ur mother

If you could fight and I could flee
Then Id get help and make it three
Then youd complain bout wat I’d done
And go and get your permadom

Then I would jump and you would phase
and you would jump and I would phase
and I would jump and you would phase
and you would jump and I would phase

And devs would think they should fix that
With loots and suits and big nerf bats
But wat I did is wat you’d done
And if I didn’t, youda won.

So hold me scold me tell me lies
Mes me rez me supersize
But if I jump then I must wanna
And if I got phase then Im gonna

The devs can take my jump away
Can take my speed, tp, and play
But here I root and stand amazed
That they don’t also take ur phase.

O wad some Power the giftie give us
To see ourselves as others see us!

But wen we look externally
It’s often only self we see

And why I think what others do
May be more me than it is u.

So take great care not to mislead
the thought of playing from the deed.

I have noticed that Johnny Merc is a positive guy.

He is positive about things.
He is positive about things happening sooner.
He is positive about things happening later.

He is positive about being positive.
He is positive about little baby jesus.

And, you know what,
if there were a negative somewhere
Johnny Merc would be positive about it
because I have noticed
he is a positive guy.

Supper villins wit blank chex
Sneakin round the Internetz
Trollin spammin wheelin dealin
Looking for that lovin feelin

Jumping off high chairs with capes
Bedsheets, throw rugs, thick red drapes
Got their names from comic books
Wham Bam Pow Kerblam Gadzooks!

They had a dog, its name was dog
They had a rock, they named it frog
They had a fish, but didn’t feed it
So it died (they didn’t need it)

Its stoopid boy and the supper villins!
Hangin out in rv chillin
Lookin for that lovin feelin
Finding only supper villins.

Stoopid is as stoopid does
wat never is never was

Can you help me cross the street
Said a man I chanced to meet
Yes, indeed, I can, I said
I have a game designer’s head

Here are some rules for you
That will tell you what to do:
You go down to the bus depot
And buy a ticket to buffalo…

But the man interrrupted, kinda rude
And said, Im not in a buffalo mood
And that will take me far away
From wat I want to cross today

Well in buffalo, you take a cab, u see
And return to here in time for tea
And just to sweeten up the deal
You get a half-priced happy meal

I don’t drink tea,
I don’t eat meet
Said the man, kinda sweet
I only want to cross the street

I know you do and I’m for you
But listen here, you old dear
There is no up with which Im fed
I have a game designer’s head

So lets have fun and try things tryable
And make all things equally viable
Hmm, said the man, and hmm again
And hmm again, and just exactly then

The light turned green,
He crossed the street and left unseen

But that’s okay, cause lights turn red
And I have a game designer’s head.

Its run, its gun, its almost serious
Its high, its low, its sometimes devious
Its down, its up with which Im fed
I have a game designer’s head.

Im bugged, Im drugged, Im darn mysterious
If you were Rome, Id be Tiberious
Im down, Im up with wat Im fed
I have a game designer’s head


Get moar phase.
Play moo three.
Scratch ur hed.


in olden days the dinosaurs
roared and played inside great warz
then along came i13
and things got very pliocene


This is borked
because you see
the catching is not the thing
the thing is chasing


This and that, that and this
Kiss of death, death of kiss
When its over, then you quit
That was then, this is it.

Got those purples all enhanced
See right through those stealthed pissants
Head shot ice tanks, stun the doms
Nudge the catgurls, poke the moms
But somethings wrong and should be fixed
And if you guess, youre guessing Twixt

Bonuses for acc and dam
Binds for casting endless spam
Buds with Katies, hi-speed lans
Extra ‘counts in case of bans
But something somewhere is amiss
And if you guess, youre guessing Twixt

Got the badges, got the ‘clades
Got third party software aides
Nubbies lootboys posse peeps
Heavy duty ‘xploits and cheats
But when you play, youre playing pissed
And if you guess, youre guessing Twixt

Feels like puckers with no kisses
When you fuxors with wats Twixt’s.


Treasures found and wages earned
Will never pay for lessons learned.